Will We Regret Eloping?
How to Make Sure it's The Right Choice
Will We Regret Eloping?
Lots of couples ask themselves at some point if they will regret eloping. Getting married is a big decision. Choosing how to get married is too. For some couples, eloping is exactly what they want. A quiet day, somewhere beautiful, just the two of them (or perhaps with their children, or a four-legged fur baby!) For others, the idea can bring a little uncertainty.
A few doubts are completely understandable. Eloping is a different way to get married and can mean stepping away from some of the traditions and expectations we’ve grown up believing a wedding should include. But that doesn’t mean you’re making the wrong decision or that you could regret eloping.
The trick is to work out what you might miss, and whether you can include it in your own way if you elope. Be honest with yourselves about what is making you hesitate. Asking yourself a few key questions can help you decide. Let’s take a closer look…
Will We Miss Having Everyone there?
You might love the idea of disappearing somewhere beautiful but worry about what it will feel like not to have your close family and friends there to see you get married.
It’s worth asking yourselves whether you would genuinely miss having them, or whether you are worried that you should want them there. Those are two very different things. If you will be disappointed not to have certain people present, a small micro wedding with your closest family may be a better fit than a true elopement. (That’s why we created our ever-popular Loved Ones wedding style for up to eight people.)
If you really want it to be just the two of you, there are plenty of ways to involve family and friends without changing your wedding plans, and have the best of both worlds.
Will We Upset People?
This can be a difficult one. You might be completely comfortable with eloping but unsure whether to tell your family. Perhaps they have always imagined seeing you walk down the aisle and assume they’ll be invited to your wedding. Their disappointment doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve made the wrong decision or that you’ll regret eloping. Your family love you and want to share your significant moments, so it’s a natural response. An honest conversation about why you chose to elope can help enormously.
Find ways to include family and friends. Some couples share a video of the ceremony later, or bring something poignant from a family member so they feel part of the ceremony. Others arrange a meal together afterwards, or celebrate when you return home. A post-elope party is a great opportunity to wear your wedding outfits again!
One option is to keep it a secret if you can manage it. Many couples prefer to tell everyone once they’re married and the dust has settled, so they can enjoy having the day entirely to themselves and manage other people’s feelings afterwards.
You made our elopement dreams come true
What if it feels too Intimate?
Getting married with only a couple of witnesses feels quite different. Instead of a room full of familiar faces, the focus is on the two of you, with no other distractions. For some people, that sounds wonderful (and a relief!), but it is worth thinking about how you both feel about being the centre of attention in a very small group.
If you are naturally private, an elopement can make the ceremony easier. Fewer people are watching, and there’s less pressure to perform in front of an audience. If you’re concerned it might feel awkward with just the two of you, rest assured that the Registrars, experienced venue team and your photographer are well practised in helping couples feel at ease.
Does it Feel Special Enough?
Maybe you have always imagined walking down an aisle in a stunning outfit, carrying beautiful flowers, or arriving in a vintage wedding car. An elopement doesn’t mean you have to give those things up, and it certainly doesn’t mean jeans, a no-frills ceremony, and a quick photograph outside the registry office (unless that’s exactly what you want, of course).
You can still have the beautiful setting, champagne, a cake, photographs, music, the wedding car AND walk down the aisle. Or you can choose to include only the details that matter to you both. Deciding exactly what you want and following your heart helps to avoid regrets.
Reasons to Love Eloping
Once you strip away what you think a wedding should look like and keep only what you want, you’ll find great reasons to elope with no regrets. Here’s our top three:
1. You can spend your budget on the experience: With fewer guests, your budget doesn’t have to stretch to hundreds of drinks, meals, favours and everything else that comes with entertaining a crowd. How you choose to spend your budget is more personal, whether it’s on a beautiful venue, photography and film, or a luxurious break away.
2. Enjoy greater flexibility: Two people are considerably easier to organise than 80, and the wedding date doesn’t need to work for anyone else. Relatives’ comfort with a particular location or your friends’ ability to travel isn’t a factor, and you can choose somewhere you really love.
3. You might feel more like yourselves: Perhaps you don’t want a huge wedding, and don’t enjoy being the centre of attention. If neither of you is interested in wedding styling, traditions, or spending a year organising a big wedding, that’s fine. Eloping brings less pressure to meet other people’s expectations, and your wedding doesn’t have to look like anybody else’s.
Arranging this very last-minute wedding was a doddle
Managing Family Expectations
This can be the hardest part of deciding to elope, and what works will depend on your family, but a few things can help. Start talking about it early. If you’ve always known a big wedding isn’t for you, gently introduce the idea of an elopement whenever marriage (and a wedding) comes up. It can help to explain how you feel and what drives your decision.
Maybe a big wedding feels overwhelming, and a quiet ceremony feels less daunting. You might want an outdoor adventure wedding, but that may not be possible with guests, given your family dynamics. Other commitments may take priority, such as buying a house, which requires a lot of time and resources. Being open about your reasons shows that eloping isn’t about rejecting them. You’re just choosing what’s right for the two of you.
If loved ones are concerned you might regret eloping, show them what an elopement looks like. Sometimes the word conjures up a very different picture from the reality. Look at photographs and testimonials from other elopement couples. Knowing how special the experience is can make a difference to how family who can’t be with you feel about your decision
An Elopement is a Proper Wedding
One of the best ways to avoid any elopement regret is to list the wedding traditions and experiences that you’d like to keep.
If you want to walk down an aisle or wear a fabulous wedding dress, then do it! There’s no reason you can’t order a cake, choose beautiful flowers, and hire a fabulous photographer so you have amazing memories to look back on together.
Eloping doesn’t mean having a lesser version of a wedding. It means having a wedding with fewer people, and that distinction is important.
We wanted a Day to rememver without any stress
Is Eloping Right for Us?
Try not to decide whether to elope based on what you think others will expect, and focus on the wedding day that’s right for the two of you. A good question to ask yourself is, ‘If nobody else had an opinion on how we got married, which would we choose?’
It can help to sit down together and write down what you would love about eloping and what you would love about a bigger wedding. The length of the lists should tell you where your heart lies. If you’re still unsure, talk to couples who have done it. Read their experiences and find out whether they would have done anything differently with the value of hindsight.
The good news is that whatever you decide, there is a wedding style and venue out there to suit you, whether it’s a micro, small-day wedding, or elopement. And just like when you chose each other, you’ll know when it feels you’re making the right decision.
Thank you
Thank you to our wonderful elopement couple and their photographer, Jenna Carpenter, for sharing their images. If you’d like to know more about getting married in the Lakes, contact the Westmorland and Furness Registrar Team.
Get in Touch
If you’d like help planning your elopement wedding, we’d love to hear from you! You can get in touch below. If eloping isn’t quite right for you, find out about our delightful day weddings and micros and choose your perfect style.
FURTHER INFORMATION:
If you have enjoyed this blog, please leave a comment to let us know or share it with someone who may find it helpful.
Here are some further blogs you may find of interest…
